


Never a Choice

by spun809



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Graphic Self-Harm, Sam catches you, Sam wants reader, reader is with Dean, self-harming!reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 01:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10322075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spun809/pseuds/spun809
Summary: You are struggling with your own self-destruction and get caught by a Winchester, sadly for you it is the wrong one.





	

Flipping on the bathroom light you noticed the shadow of your reflection looming in the stain splattered glass, clearly they hadn’t cleaned it between guests, you carefully avoided looking directly into your mirror image though. It was dangerous when you felt like this, occasionally if you met those strange orbs socketed deep in your face, reality would start to break apart. Then there was a chance you might slip.

Ducking down you carefully unzipped your duffle bag, holding the fabric by the teeth so that the hole in the material didn’t get any larger. Your buried your hand inside and felt your fingers brush past rough denim and lacy panties until finally the hard wood was against your palm. Just touching the box where you kept the blades made you feel like you were able to breathe easier.

Faraway you thought you heard a metallic jingle, but you were immediately brought back to your mission, setting the little jewelry box on the laminate counter you gently pulled up the lid. From there it was easy, avoiding your reflection, you traced deep lines against your skin. Drops welled up and then ran together down the plane of your forearm.

Distantly there was knocking but you ignored it, too lost in the sensation of realness that was rushing back into you, the blood it proved you were real.

“Y/N?” A large hand jerked you, the pads of his fingers pressing deep into the flesh of your bicep, “what are you doing?”

It was only when he pried the blood stained metal from your palm that you turned to him, and the wave of guilt almost had you crashing to the ground.

Instead you tried to shrug him off, “Sammy I didn’t think you were going to come back so soon,” you were trying to grasp for some excuse but your mind was in shock at being caught.

“I need to get you cleaned up before Dean shows up OK?”

You nodded and he started to run a washcloth under the faucet. He presses it against you and grabbed your other hand and placed it over the cloth, “just hold that for a second.”

He darted into the main room, he was mumbling and cursing under his breath, things were banging into the floor but you just stood there looking into the dark, waiting.

He brought back their simple first aid kit, Sam always packed one for hunts, and quickly cleaned and bandaged your arm. Carefully he led you out of the bathroom and sat you on the edge of one of the beds.

“What is going on y/N? Do you know what could have happened?” His voice was choked with tears. For some reason you had been avoiding looking at him but you forced yourself to take him in.

“Where did you put it Sam?" 

His face was bent he was studying your arm, hair fell across his face so there was a shadow across his eyes. When he looked up at you his cheek was stained with tear tracks but there was a wrinkle of confusion across his expression. "Where did I put what?”

"The blade, I need it.“ You knew you sounded crazy to him but you didn’t care. 

"No." 

Hysteria started to creep in to your mind, absently you picked at the bandage, his hand stilled yours. "I’m not strong, I’m not a Winchester I need this." 

It took you by surprise when he wrapped you against his body. And he spoke softly into your ear, "you are more than a Winchester, we need you around alright,” his breathing was heavy, “I need you.” So you let him hold you, arms limp at your side. Dean had gotten to you first, when you had met the two of them, his easy smile and rowdy charm was everything you weren’t. It was simple with him, you pretended you were fine, he never pried deeper and it just worked. Now though it was as if things had shifted. Sam knew your secret and he wasn’t dashing out to put you in the loony bin. 

He was still whispering, the words disappearing in the region of your shoulder as he spoke into the fabric.

"What?“ It came out louder than you expected in the stillness of the room. 

He pulled away from you slightly and you immediately noticed there absence of his embrace, the loss of it was frightening. "I love you." 

"Don’t, we can’t have this talk Sam,” your voice shook, “I’m with your brother." 

He let you go then, and it took every ounce of willpower you possessed not to crumple into yourself, you couldn’t show him how much you needed him now. Headlights briefly flashed into the room, Dean was back, quickly you dashed into the bathroom and grabbed a sweatshirt from your bag and tugged it on. Just as you were walking back in the lights flicked on and Dean with his bow legs and perfect smile walked in. You forced one of your most natural expressions as you and him met in the middle, "hey baby what took you so long?” You planted a soft kiss on him. 

He kissed you back hard, insistent and self assured, “I missed you too much to be gone long.” He said as he pulled away from you, his smile dropped for a fraction on a second, “is everything OK?” His eyes flicked towards Sammy who was looking stony on the bed. 

"Yep it is awesome.“ Sam didn’t move at your words and seemed oblivious to Dean even being there. 

"Samuel,” Dean snapped his fingers in front of his face. 

"Everything is great.“ Sam huffed but then put on his own fake smile, which you doubted was fooling anyone. 

This was going to be a long night.


End file.
